I’m pretty convinced that no one likes me or wants to be my friend after they hear me talk/say more than a few words. I get the sense of being dismissed, of only being treated politely, like I’m someone else’s problem.
Given that…. I’m still here, so what do I do next?
I wish the answer were to directly work on getting better at talking to people, but that’s one hell of an energy drain. Seems unlikely/unsustainable. Also seems like it’s not a brute force thing, exactly; I think my empathy could use some work. It’s hard to hear someone and respond meaningfully when I seriously don’t care about anyone else’s feelings, or, like, anything. Is that even true? I have no idea. I’ve been with Melissa in some serious capacity or another for years (coming up on 8 full years since first contact, next Monday) and I STILL do this. I just… have no regard for her feelings. I’m angry that it’s being suggested I consider them, even. And… it’s not like I feel that way about everyone 😛 mostly just her.