holy hell, my dude. my bro. my wp. if i said that aloud, would i say something more like “wup” or more like “wippy”? regardless, everything SUCKS. (I wonder when, precisely, I lost the ability to take myself seriously enough to allow all-capsing like that in a monologue. that is what this is, isn’t it?)
- after a scant 3-4 weeks of running again (finally!), I got myself back on track to at least be doing a 3-mile route every day, even if I still wasn’t able to run it without taking a short break during the uphill chunk. I started wearing that new pair of running shoes. and THEN my fucking fucking fucking fucking knee started acting up! I want to say “again” but running has never made my knee feel this way before, only cycling. FUCK. My knee is in low-level pain almost all the time now, and I can’t figure out how to alleviate it most of the time. What the fuck is wrong with me? What the fuck did I do to myself with my shitty 30-minute cycling? Why can’t I exercise even moderately without hurting myself? I was just starting to feel like I was on the cusp of some nice physical changes, too, but instead my body has been forced to adjust to not running again, thanks to the combination of my uterus, catching a stupid cold, and now this knee pain all last week. So yeah, now I have amplified eczema, extra-annoying acne, and hella depression. Which…
- Rather than using the free time and potential extra energy of not running to be constructive, I tend to plop down in front of a screen and distractedly get a half-hour’s worth of work done in a night, if that. I eat impulsively to stifle my brain’s dissatisfaction and craving for stimulation. My sheets kinda stink, my laundry basket is almost full, my floor is covered with clothes to be hung back up or folded or laundered, (brief interlude during which MY KNEE FUCKING HURTS AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT), the ants are back since the weather cooled back down a bit and I should be cleaning/putting away more dishes, my cracked tooth has been aching every day…. I still haven’t deposited my paycheck…. and that’s just basic subsistence shit that I haven’t done. It doesn’t include things that are more “leisurely” but still on my mind.
- Such “leisure” things include making a fucking logo for my fucking family. I shouldn’t have gotten their hopes up. I’m not any kind of visual artist. I don’t know how to use these parts of Illustrator effectively. Anyway, that, looming large….. calling someone or other to set up a doctor’s appointment and hoping they aren’t booked too full to accept new patients; finishing the goddamn *picture* for my fucking linkedin profile, for fuck’s sake, what a stupid thing to take forever on and drop halfway through; rotating my fucking tires. Too much. I haven’t done any of it. I don’t know when I will.
whoops I’m falling asleep