I’m pretty fucking tired but still up late. long weekend but not restful in a lot of ways. I spent pretty much the entire thing (and then some) up at R’s place, and it was bookended by job application steps. Stressful. First, it turned out I hadn’t been getting gmail notifs as of the morning after submitting my resume to somewhere new. I suddenly realized on friday afternoon that my inbox had just… decided to stop refreshing. super fucking cool. so yeah, spent five hours writing responses to that damn questionnaire, then left for R’s place and his house’s “surreal pizza” themed party. met one cool person, some neutral that I failed to interact with successfully, and some laughably stereotypical dudes who wouldn’t shut up and had a bunch of really important judgments to make about sci-fi. went to bed feeling bad about myself. woke up the next day with no idea what to do with myself, ended up getting biscuits with R and roomies and walking through the farmers’ market. fell into inertia after that and watched weird 80s exploitation flicks all afternoon. spent the evening drinking and making cake and stir fry, read Real Change, talked to peeps who were also in the kitchen. Oddly, having gotten up and trying to do the invitation thing, I don’t feel bad…. what am I talking about. I think I’m falling asleep.
the important part is job stuff, that’s what I want to process. Interview was supposed to be today but she was out sick. I had some help from R’s parents, which was awesome and actually kinda reaffirming and not just nice/polite. They think that my “tell me about yourself” answer should actually be more literal, which runs counter what I’ve heard–you want to be talking about yourself as a worker, right? not some rando? they want you to connect the dots. that’s what I was trying to do with the quote, and maybe I can still do it. In the what do you do for fun question, I did totally forget about music things, as well as…. um… god, I’m tired.
(next morning)
as well as drawing. Is that really it, though? I grew up basically in this area, thought I was into music and languages in hs but realized in college that I liked helping people and wanted to do so more directly, and that I liked the challenge and structure of lab programs, found it meaningful and worthwhile to struggle with.
all the questions they asked seemed… nice. it’s possible that I found them easy only because it was them asking, rather than an interviewer. but like… why do I want this position? I think I got two bullet points off and they totally accepted my answer. It didn’t feel like it would actually be enough irl.
maybe there’s something to *not* writing down potential answers, though. because I won’t be able to refer to it later, I won’t have the same paths to recall shit. better to speak it and activate those brain paths instead.
I barely did the first thing I wanted to accomplish last night. room is cleaner, sure, but there’s so much more to do before tomorrow. i’m so fucking glad and relieved that R is helping me do this. it makes it so much easier and less stressful. two nights ago when we thought I was going to interview the next morning, he made me lunch while I was on the phone with his parents and I wasn’t expecting it, and when he showed me the garlic rosemary green beans, I started crying, so. lol.
hey hey hey let’s be slightly less late shall we