Hey. This week… sucks. I feel dumb compared to everyone around me. Dumb and useless. and like I’m never going to get anywhere better. I’m tired all the time, the heaviest I’ve ever been, I don’t feel close to R or M even though I talk to them more in-depth than with anyone else… I see myself failing a lot. And basically it seems like the solution is to just keep going. What I really want, or feel like I want/would help me deal, is to take some time for myself and just be in my own space, doing things by and for myself. it’s really hard when r and I spend all our time together. he manages to read books more than i do at home, though. i haven’t been able to kick my recent stardew valley streak. I still want to play that, AND this new game that just came out called FutureGrind? It looks like glowy Trials with some SSX flavor. but that’s not productive, so I worry about R judging me.. and then do it anyway because I refuse to perform my life so I can avoid judgment from my boyfriend of a year and a half. (damn, a year and a half?)
I read some of How To Win Friends and Influence People, actually poked at it a couple times. The main points I’m seeing/thinking so far are like…
- your mileage may vary if you’re not a white guy in the early 20th century.
- wow dale, your capitalism is so much lighter than ours. imagine companies built on relationships top to bottom, where workers can actually be rewarded in meaningful ways. imagine these companies being the default.
- this is the kind of thing I should probably be taking notes on as I’m reading it rather than trying to marathon-read like a NJO novel.
- kind of going in with the previous, but i should also revisit this book from time to time to keep it top-of-mind when engaging with people. repetition is uh. a. thing.
- THE PLURAL OF ANECDOTE IS NOT DATA, DALE. I BET A LOT OF THOSE STORIES ARE FAKE ANYWAY
the other night when i was actually getting into the meat of the book (instead of the part where it sells itself to me, the person who already owns the book, ad nauseam) it was talking about how the best way to get someone to do what you want or to like you is to give them what they want. I haven’t finished the chapter yet, and I think part of the point it’s trying to make is that there are certain universal likes (lol sdv), but I fell asleep that night shortly after trying to think about what kinds of things the people I work with want. like, how can I engage them on subjects that interest them and make them feel good about themselves in ways that…. actually speak to them? are these questions I actually have enough info to answer, and if so, why haven’t i put the pieces together yet?
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not like i know what to do about any of this.