tbh, i don’t really feel like posting…. it just seems like the thing to do. about an hour ago i kinda thought i was gonna fall asleep at an unreasonably reasonable time. everything i usually do feels kind of burned out today. it’s been sufficient motivation to actually sort through my drawers and pull out some stuff to donate and throw away, get all my clean laundry off the floor for the first time in weeks.
not like i actually feel much better for it. if anything, it’s like the entropy shifted from my floorspace to all my browser tabs. sorry, that’s a shitty piece of figurative language right there. i just mean there’s always something.
like…. spending a substantial chunk of time today shopping online. I bought a bunch of shit from Amazon and Sephora and Google Music over the last couple days. I hope my wallet can handle it… I might be throwing out the last vestiges of my post-overtime cushion. maybe not the greatest idea with my appt coming up, but it’s probably just my brain continuing to seek stimulation through consumption, whether that’s food, shopping, fanfic, whatever. yeah. i haven’t gotten magically better. i ate an entire bag of carrot cake Kisses between last night and tonight just because it was stimulation of some sort. i…. i think not being able to go running is kind of not helping matters, even if this was perhaps going on alongside that. when i ran i was getting so tired, i would be mindless and do things mindlessly after i was done. i already don’t really remember.
which, weirdly: in the first 3-4 days after stopping running, my knee pain did abate pretty successfully. and did come back reliably after that when I briefly tried on a few occasions. but… now it’s kind of coming back anyway? my only guess is that as my muscles do weird shit and atrophy in disuse, it’s pulling on my legs in a particular way that exacerbates shit again. but hey i don’t actually understand anything that knee has done since 2013.
i found some free resume templates on a career site that isn’t total garbage earlier this week, so that’s kind of a step in the right direction. my profile-pic-to-be is also shaping up, to the point that i’m starting to wonder if it’s *too* much effort to be putting into cleaning it up. i don’t have any eye for this shit–will someone see it and notice something i took too far to be real? I guess that’s only really a problem if i were getting hired to do work w/adobe products. generally no one else should care, right?
mother’s day tomorrow. still no plans.
i went looking for diy vibe info and was very disappointed on cursory googling.
oh look now i’m tired