hey radio: be less crunchy
things are better/more normal than the last time I wrote on here. this keyboard is such a fucking pleasure to type on, regardless of content. I took a break from R this weekend and did my own shit. despite my attempts to imbue all communications about the break with affection and clear intentions, he wound up thinking I was going to break up with him. like… I’d be lying if I said it hadn’t crossed my mind, but I wouldn’t. I love him and want to be with him and haven’t yet completely worn myself out asking him to meet my needs. as a bonus, both nights since the end of the break we’ve been boning down for actual reasonable amounts of time. I worry that it’s just going in the same direction, like, one conversation and done, old habits. how can I avert that train? maybe by staying here tonight i guess, so i’m not exhausted tmrw. he’s probably not going to be able to get it up again tonight anyway since I accidentally let him cum this morning. tch. For real though, it’s been so fucking nice to spend time with him and actually have his attention instead of feeling like a forgotten comfort object–he would notice if I wasn’t there, but was too busy to give me his time and attention even if I was always around, always available.
it would be good if I would actually point more things out to him in the moment, if it occurs to me, I think. I generally try to assume good intentions/that it’ll sort itself out and not be a big deal rather than jumping on little individual things, is why i have trouble with that. BUT the good news is my new insurance starts today! So now I have no excuse for not finding a therapist. … *promptly goes to do other things*
pokemon and makeup are p good reasons not to find one just yet. i would be totally into making a mindmap kind of thing for potential future therapists tho. at what point is therapy w/another person not helpful? /points