Tag: pkmoon

I purchased Hot Thoughts this afternoon and proceeded to listen to it 75ish times until bedtime tonight.

Everything is horrible. I am horrible. I’m so depressive, I can’t do anything. I’m really good at out-waiting my own desires and interests. It’s gotta be some kind of executive dysfunction, right? To constantly be thinking of the thing, but because I’m doing something else and haven’t basically exhausted whatever that something else is, I never get around to the other thing even though it sounded more interesting? I actually had interest in drawing, earlier, but I would’ve had to get up and find a drawing pad and utensil and come back. Instead, I hatched a few more (male) eevees. and named them all after eggs.

what does it mean that the dentist’s office never emailed or called me about a follow-up? My appointment somehow vanished from their system even though I used the scheduling assistant on their official damn website + received a confirmation call from SOMEONE human, and now they won’t contact me directly for something they said they could get to me within a day. It’s been six days–a week, in the morning. Given all this, I kind of want to believe that they actually exist in a weird limbo-type deal that no communications can penetrate, but can be physically accessed on foot. They’re the shitty Avalonian dentist office for wealthy white people.

Ugh, I hope I’m overthinking it. I was not reassured by the doctor’s approach. I was not given info or options, only talked over. Even my fucking pediatric dentist treated me more respectfully than that. By contrast, the only subjects on which these ppl consulted me were (1) small talk, (2) marketing research/feedback, and (3) trying to upsell me with whitening treatments. Oh, and (4) an odd number of questions about my jaw/jaw pain. I…. don’t feel v confident abt their office, honestly.

K split on me, I think. Idk what to do. I’ve never been on the receiving end, and my fears about not being borderline enough are getting in the way of thinking this through rationally to put myself in her shoes and figure out how I can do better/be helpful and not just say bland, trite garbage. I don’t have the energy to pursue it that hard, but I don’t want this to become some kind of power struggle to see who can stay silent the longest and who’ll crack. I just…. don’t know what to say. I did a shitty job empathizing and said some useless crap and you probably felt ignored, uncared for. I’m sorry I didn’t know what to say. I guess I’ve never actually talked to anyone else while they’re splitting, before you. also I didn’t have much info on the situation surrounding your split. it was v sudden and information-free.

I hope I ever do anything. I hope I use my gym membership, hope I get physical therapy, hope I ever finish a single wallpaper, hope I catch up on cleaning tasks enough to feel capable of doing something educational/practical in the evenings, hope I find a job that doesn’t suck w/medical benefits.

p.s. starbucks’s smoked butterscotch latte tastes like cannabutter coffee

once again, this weekend has been… nothing.

i tried SOS chaining pikipek for a shiny, but with no shiny charm and my low level of progress overall in the game (well. i guess the two kinda go together, huh), that bitch eluded me. For a full day. I was seriously in that fight from 7 last night until I went to bed, and then from noon until 7 or 8ish tonight. At least I sort of had a system figured out. My Carbink, which bears the apt name of “Cuppeon”, was a wonderful tank, and I had a Petilil, an Eevee, and a Horsea that were all low-level enough with weak enough moves to not one-hit the damn birds. And before that battle, I’d been wondering what the fuck I would ever need hundreds of a particular berry for, given that I’ve only had access to Isle Aplenny for a few days but already have hundreds of berries across many types. I wonder no more. 😛 i mean, i can’t imagine enjoying the game if I SOS chained like that for a full day out of every few, but it’s good to know there’s a potential use.

M + I did some Festival Plaza collab shit. it’s been confirmed: I know nothing about type weaknesses. I got 3 correct answers and she got like 14. I wanted to die, I was choking on shame

later in the evening I did some actual human being-type activities. (aside from continuing to forget my wet laundry heaped in the dryer getting musty.) I went back through Friday’s cl postings (not much), and started looking at community events, classes, and the like. There’s some weekly drawing classes nearbyish but…. they cost money, money that we probably don’t have atm. Money that I’m not sure we will have by the time the classes start. Which just brings me back to the jobs section of cl. 😛 I guess my current job and the things I wish I could do with my software skill set have made me want to have a better understanding of visual art, as a creator. It would be really nice to have a class that involves going out into the community, being around people, having some kind of structured environment… all for the low, low cost of 20% of my last paycheck. for example.

from cl, i jumped to meetup. finally made an account and optimistically subscribed to a bunch of different groups. but i mean…. i don’t feel like i’m over-promising. I just want to get aggregated info on all these groups + their events in one spot first, then go from there. Most of the stuff they post isn’t really for my area anyway, and I have yet to figure out the location-based search function (if it’s working at all). You know what sucks about it, though? There’s a lot of tech-leaning groups that interest me, but that I’d be a complete noob at, and it’s clear from the introductions that they aren’t talking to ppl on my level. PLS I NEED HELP GETTING THE MOTIVATION AND KNOWLEDGE TO GET TO YOUR LEVEL EVEN WHEN I’M REALLY INTERESTED 🙁 but on the bright side, there is a queer community place nearby and i so wanna attend some shit there. as long as it isn’t all at 5 fucking pm in the middle of rush hour aahhh fuck driving. there are opportunities, but nothing super ideal, overall. i hope i keep using it.

from meetup, next stop was fb, to see if there were any attached meetup groups i was somehow not being shown over there… and then…. it was weird. my feed didn’t make me feel like a piece of shit immediately. sort of. it’s still clear to me how everyone is out accomplishing things and i’m just sitting here inching closer to my true potato form. but tonight instead of it feeling overwhelming, it felt… energizing, and cool to see what my friends were doing, i guess. even if none of them consider me a friend anymore.

I hope it stays energizing and not overwhelming, but that’s probably too much to hope. expectations ahoyhoy, esp. on as little sleep as i’m gonna get tonight. I hope I do something… although tomorrow i need to do groceries and laundry, lol.